Good Morning, this is your first time here, isn’t it? Before you settle in let me give you a tour of our little operation. It gets quite noisy in the plant where everything happens. I recommend you wear this hearing protection. I hope you’re not too sensitive to colorful language – it tends to get creative around here. I’ll give you a hard hat and ear protection just in case. Oh—and this document? Just a formality. It says I warned you about the hazards of stepping into the noise. Sharp edges, sudden realizations, the occasional explosion of uncomfortable truth. You sign it, you’re in.
Welcome to the floor.
I see the first thing that caught your attention over there was the lathe. You’ve got a good eye. We call it the Sleazer Station. I’m pretty proud of this model, it has all of the latest technology built into it. It has the capacity to out produce any lathe in the world! Let me tell you I’m not exaggerating when I say that. Notice the operator, we just call him by his nickname, ‘Gov.’ Funny thing about Gov—every time I ask him what his real name is, he gives me something different. Gov is a very big man. We keep encouraging him to lose weight but he never listens. The last time we cut him back on his food he did well but as soon as he went off the diet he put all of his weight back on and then some. Still, you’ve got to admire his skill with that chisel. Incredible how he can shave off the slightest amount – you hardly even notice. Nobody even pays attention to how much Gov has actually done until we take inventory at the end of the year.
Even the auditors don’t ask questions.
Although the Sleazer Station is impressive, it’s our neon sign, makes lots of noise and looks pretty, and draws all of the attention. You’ve got to see the part of the operation most people overlook. It doesn’t make headlines. It doesn’t get awards. But trust me—it’s where the real magic happens. And it’s… pretty damn impressive.
If we wander over to the loading dock, you’ll notice how efficiently the handlers, dressed in business casual, are offloading raw materials and prepping them for the Sleazer Station. It’s a masterclass in economic throughput. What really makes it impressive, though, is the sheer level of overqualified labor running this well-oiled system. Three MBAs, a data scientist, and a forklift license between them. These folks are experts at stripping value and discarding the burden. Just don’t ask me who’s paying for the cleanup.
Now, I can’t take you right into the core of the operation—it’s a high-hazard zone. You’ll also notice a large number of rats scurrying about. “Why do you let rats in the plant?” you ask. Well, it’s quite simple, really. Just look at the floor. Spotless, isn’t it? Sleazer Station? Gleaming. They’re part of the ecosystem – and protected by it. Every system needs something to clean up what no one else wants to touch.
Where do all the pieces of sawdust go? You ask. Good question and one that I can’t really give you an honest answer to. All I can tell you is: The rats on the floor take their wheelbarrows of discarded sawdust over there to that chute you see at the bottom of Gov’s condominium and they dump it. If you look carefully you’ll see other rats inside of Gov’s place scurrying about hiding all of the sawdust as fast as it’s dropped in.
Funny thing—no one ever asks where the sawdust used to go.
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